Mick Wright.net

Each year, I strive to offer a certain number of blog posts purely as a public service; this is one of those posts. Below are just a few of the things I have learned as a conservative blogger, and I’d like to share them with you, so that won’t make these mistakes:

You are not allowed to criticize Jon Stewart, because his show is classified as “fake news.” It’s perfectly fine to lie, misrepresent and distort if you’re a “comedian.” Stewart never claimed to be a credible journalist, so his political commentary cannot be expected to adhere to any measure of honesty or responsibility. So long as there’s the expectation of a punchline at the end of his monologue, he is free to invent facts, strip quotes from their context, make totally slanderous statements and distort the news items under discussion.

You are not allowed to criticize the Memphis Flyer, because that organization has never considered itself an objective, straight news source. It’s perfectly fine to lie, misrepresent and distort if you’re a “decidedly liberal” alternative newsweekly. So long as every word printed or posted serves the Leftist agenda, its authors are free to invent facts, strip quotes from their context, make totally slanderous statements and distort the news items under discussion.

You are not allowed to criticize socialist Christians who declare themselves “non-partisan.” Jim Wallis, Tony Campolo and other Christian leaders of the radical Left have not officially accepted the Democratic label and accordingly should be considered forever above the fray of partisan politics, no matter how consistently they adopt and circulate Democratic rhetoric.

You are not allowed to criticize global warming alarmism, unless you happen to be a meteorologist, climatologist, atmospheric chemist or geophysicist. If you are a scientist with a degree in one of these fields, you are still not allowed to criticize global warming alarmism because it is already a settled consensus. You are also not allowed to criticize global warming alarmists who have no degree in science, whether or not you have more expertise and/or credibility in the field than they do.

You are not allowed to criticize Darwinism, unless you happen to be a biologist, chemist, physiologist, paleontologist or zoologist. If you are a scientist with a degree in one of these fields, you are still not allowed to criticize Darwinism because to do so would somehow violate the separation of church and state, or would in any case reveal you to be an authoritarian Christian fascist.

You are not allowed to criticize anti-war, anti-American radicalism unless you have served in the military. If you have served in the military, you are still not allowed to criticize anti-war radicalism because you are a war-monger whose character has been thoroughly compromised by the Bush administration propaganda machine and whose hands are forever bloodstained by the illegal war in Iraq.

You are not allowed to criticize Leftist political figures who publicly stump for political causes or candidates if they can conceivably be classified as “victims” or if they happen to be married to the candidate. You are also not allowed to mention that candidate’s middle name or display photos that reveal the candidate in a less than heroic light.

You are not allowed to criticize any Leftist with an advanced degree and a funny hat, particularly if you currently live, or have ever lived, in a suburban area that is primarily inhabited by one demographic group, maintains traffic cameras at certain busy intersections and hosts an annual horse show. It goes without saying that this holds true regardless of your own educational level, your particular socioeconomic status or your feelings on horses and traffic cameras.